http://bayyinah.com/instructors/nouman-ali-khan/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSEsUZIT6d8 (a healthy marriage)
Main points in this talk as the blogger sees it:
Quran is flawless
Many Dialoges in the Quran
Q's being asked in the quran & Quran is in control.
We should learn to ask Q's and be in control.
What is marriage?
Marriage is more than dating (Its a commitment and responsibilities: learning to live together and taking care of each other).
-- > Protectiveness (take care of the family. love not purely luss).
--> Marry for the right reason (love, intention to start a family & love for the sake of Allah).
--> Worry about obligation and forget about your rights (ask what can I do for my wife/husband, cover wife's/husband's mistakes, focus on her/his strength not weaknesses... go out of the way... 'dont expect' your rights fr your wife/husband (Allah mention in the Quran --> the one who seek/demand is weakened... (because if he/she doesn't get what he/she expect he/she will be disappointed. So, dont put hopes in creation. Place hope only in Allah).
Husband should be reading about what the wife deserves not the other way round (ie only thinking about what he deserves ie ''self-serving/self centred'').
Learn how to excel with ourselves to please our spouse.
TAKE CARE OF OUR OBLIGATIONS (put between you love, passion and mercy....)
What keep the love going in marriage? (mercy towards wife/husband, and courtesy to each other).
Allah creates women differently. Woman is oblivious to men's weakness. No 1) is 'women' ('desire' in man is very strong). The main fitnah for man is woman). Wife should support the husband not 'lecturing' him.
Why so many unhappy marriages in the Muslim community - looking globally at the muslim world? Sheikh gave some examples:
1) a simple thing can turn the negative scenario into a positive outcome For example just a small gesture fr the wife eg ''SMILE'' is very rewarding to the husband esp when coming home fr a long day at work (when husband is disappointed --> resentment buils up. Every little thing irritates him and things become 'sour & unhappy' in the house. Learn to RESPECT each other and treat each other kindly.
2) Dont use Islamic text as a weapon to one's advantage....
'Women have the power of psychological speech'. Man think everything is solved by reasoning BUT woman is actually a complex creatures. The best way to make a point with women is 1) mercy 2) silence. if husband is silence , many women will ask what is wrong? Relationship is fragile and syaitan is waiting for an opportunity ....
All the great tragedy start from bad marriages.
POW . If women are captured. Our deen is ideal and practical--> ? what your right hand possess
* nikah is transfer of responsibilities (previous wali (ie father) to the husband).
Refer: Surah an Nuur ayat 32-33
(everything that is in the Quran & hadith appeal to human being if explained properly and correctly).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7eFzUFqD6k&NR=1
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